AJ has always been fascinated with bad words. He doesn’t say
them- but he will call you out every single time you say one. I’ll never forget
when he was really young and my mom and I used to spell out S-T-U-P-I-D because
we didn’t want him to hear the word. Well, not too long after, he started
saying “P-I-D”. To this day, he says that only if he heard the word and wants
to tell me about it. He never uses it negatively and never the real word. For
years, if he hears any word (stupid, damn, crap or anything worse) he will just
look at me like “did you hear that?!” He has trained me to look at him when
someone says a bad word!
So now, he’s in 2nd grade and we all know that
means he will start hearing those words more often and likely say some of them
when I’m not around. He watches videos online and I know they have bad words.
He will tell me every time when he hears one. We have this exact conversation many
times a week:
AJ: “Mom,
there was a bad word”
Me: “what
word?”
AJ: “what
beavers make”
Me: “ok,
thanks for telling me”
AJ: “yep,
I won’t say it”
The other day I was thinking about it and I realized that if
he is going to hear the words, then I want him to know- from me- what they
mean. I don’t want him learning from his friends what they think it means.
Plus, I thought if we talked about it, maybe it would take the “excitement” out
of saying the words?
One night a few weeks ago I was lying with AJ in his bed and
I asked him if he would like to talk about bad words. That we were in a “circle
of trust” and he could not get in trouble during this conversation. He could
say anything, any word and not be in trouble. The only catch was, he could not
go to school and talk to other friends about it or say the words to them. He
agreed and we talked.
I asked him what words he hears and what he thinks the words
mean. He asked me about the “B” word is. I explained to him what the “B” word
actually is and how what it really means is a female dog (he laughed). I then
made it VERY clear that he should never- even when he gets older- say that to or
about a girl. He asked me about “crap” and “damn” and I explained what they
meant and told him he could use other words that sounded better but meant the
same thing. I also told him that one day he would be able to say those words-
just not in 2nd grade. He has friends who can say “stupid” or “oh my
god” or “crap” and I think there are times he wants to be allowed to. And
honestly- part of me thinks “why not?” But, then I think about how I feel about
the kids who come to my house and say those words when playing with AJ. I don’t
want some other mother thinking about AJ that way. It’s just not necessary and
it is so ugly. There is a very popular song on the radio right now called “Shut
up and Dance with me” and I told him recently he can say it when the song is
on. But he really doesn’t! It doesn’t feel right to him. Finally, he did ask me
about the “F” word. I didn’t explain the literal meaning of that word, but I
told him that some people say that and it means many things. It could be like “darn”
or “crap” and that it’s not a word kids need to use. I tried to be very clear
that there are other words he can use that will mean the same thing. However, I
know, as an adult sometimes saying crap isn’t quite as gratifying as saying “F!”
(I didn’t tell him that!)
I hope this conversation made him realize he can talk to me.
We can talk about things that aren’t comfortable and he won’t be in trouble. I’ve
told him many times- if he just comes to me, he will not be punished. If he
lies or I hear he’s saying these things when I’m not around, he will be.
