Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Terrible Threes

Oh gosh... everyone says it isn't "terrible 2's", it's "terrible 3's" and I'm starting to agree. This few weeks have been ROUGH! AJ is getting smarter, so he's learning to play me more and knows how to hurt me. And I've got so much guilt that I let him get away with too much- it's not a good cycle.

To be honest, one of the hardest parts for me right now is that I don't see AJ on a daily basis. So each time I do see him, it's like starting over. And when I see him, I want to make him happy. I want to have a fun time with him. But then, I also have a life and groceries that need to be bought, dinner to be made, a house that needs to be cleaned and just stuff that needs to be done. Right now, I feel like we're having less fun together and he's spending more time in time out or in trouble because he's just so mean to me so often.

It makes me so sad to think that the little time I get to spend with my son, I spend a lot of it with him in time out, or him melting down at Walmart because he's been so bad he doesn't get a cookie, or telling me "I'm not your friend, mommy" or "I don't care" or "it's not fair". Or lately, he spits at me or thows his toys up against the wall, or tells me when I pick him up from day care "I want my daddy". (nothing against Jason, but after 2 days without AJ, that hurts)

I do still get the occasional "I love you mommy" which I love, but he wont sit on my lap, or give me a kiss or hug. Typically lately, he denies me.

I'm frustrated tonight, obviously. It's not as bad as it seems. It was just a rough couple of hours. I need to be more strict. I guess I have to sacrafice time now in order to make him grow into a better man.